=D Friday, 4 January 2008 =) 8:18 pm
so how foolish have i been this few weeks?? y am i feeling so emo or should i say feel sad over such stuff?? ppl dun wan me.. so? wad's the big deal about it? still be friend? well.. it depends on wad kind of hurt u r getting... for once u treat ppl so nice n out of no where without notice thy just flew off... thy just leave u n u were left alone n helpless... once u thought u wont be lonely anymore u can have some1 to lean on finally after all this years of fighting n lonely suffering... Poof.. gone... "nope.. u r still dreaming" says God... "u r fated to be lonely... u have no chance of falling in love... it's ur curse to be in this condition.."
I've been dreaming all December... i've been a fool to do those stuff... well... i myself wanted to do it... so i cant blame any1 with it... am i looking for some1 to pity me?? well some may say so... but the fact is if i kept it inside my heart... how much can it take after the blow?? some stuff r meant to be kept as secret.. i wont leak out unnecessary information.. tt's for sure...
ok today i went back... i saw her... i've no idea wad my mind is thinking... should i stay ard longer? or should i just return the stuff n poof go off... the sky tried to stop me or issit not? i dun know... once there's rain n then no rain... whn i reach home it started to pour... ok my decision was go home n no stay any longer... dun think she have notice me at all... i'm just nobody at all.. wad kind of mood am i having whn returning back to my old sch?? well... visit my teachers n tell them about my current situation in sch... let them feel proud about their student... do i have the motive to go back n see her?? well.. 20% yes... 80% no... there's still abit of wanting to see her... but the problem is wad's the point if i see her?? will she like "HI~!!" or will she like *ignore* so wad kind of attitude should i hold?? cheerful super out going... or sorrow sad, emo type... my life is screwed... but i dun seek ppl to pity me... i just blame myself... blame myself for being such a chi qing person...
even if she's looking at my blog which i doubt so... even if i let her know how i feel... her reaction will still be the same i guess... how serious am i towards a relationship?? how much will i give up to maintain the relationship?? I've no more idea... I'm already lost... lost totally... sleepless nights... weird dreams... stupid thinking... stupid ideas... thinking tt i can actually win her back... but all this i doubt so... i dun think i ever stand a chance in having a relationship... cause i'm born with the blood of being Lonely...
Everyday is Sunny.
