We go into denial because the loss is so unthinkable we can't imagine it's true. We become angry with everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves. Then we bargain. We beg. We plead. We offer everything we have, we offer our souls in exchange for just one more day. When the bargaining has failed and the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair, until finally we have to accept that we've done everything we can. We let go. We let go and move into ACCEPTANCE.


saw this from somewhere... how true can it be?? i mean... i've been thru all... for those ard me... i guess u should know it better...

I've no idea wad to write... but this is the song tt can actually express my feelings.. other then tt... i really dun know wad else to say already... I'm too lost n too unsure to do anymore talking...



"You're Beautiful by James Blunt"


My life is brilliant.

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful, You're beautiful,
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yes, she caught my eye,
As I walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Flying high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful, You're beautiful,
You're beautiful, it's true,
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Pure Random...

"Why bother when the one you loved dearly no longer cares about you?"

thx to butt... it's 1 of the things to keep my head off her... it's 1 of the thing to help me focus on the coming papers... i just wan to share it out... =))

I've edited the following story to make it seems better in presentation... tsk tsk..


You are thirsty. You need a drink badly. There stand a vending machine full of different kind of drinks. All sorts of drinks for you to choose, but you just want to have this special particular drink. No other drinks caught your attention, only that very special drink.

You purchased it. You drink it. You love the drink so badly that you don't want to let it go at all. Holding on to it so tightly that you think this will be the drink for you. For the rest of your life.

One man came along, he bumped into you. You lost grip n dropped the can of drink. Drop the love of your life. It has landed on the floor, dirty, muddy floor. Would you still want to pick it up and hold it like before again? It has been stain with all kind of bacteria, germs and other unknown stuff. Would you still wan to hold it? Keeping it with you again?

What would you do?

You looked back. You really want to hold it again. You really want to drink it again, enjoying the moment just like before it was being dropped. But it will no longer be the same as before. That can of drink will never be the same as before.

There came along a uncle. He picked up that can, he put it together with the other can he has found. He send it for recycling and yes that can of drink has a new life again. But will you be able to purchase it again? Will there be a probability of you purchasing the same can of drink again? It will only be purchased by someone else and that someone else will repeat the cycle or maybe he will treasure that can for good?

And for you? What will you do? Never drink again? Or just purchase another can of drink and move on with it?

How would you choose?



(special thx to butt for spending 1hr listening to me nag and venting it out.)

Kenny wan to laugh... Kenny wan to laugh out loudly... y?? cause he finds himself silly... he should have believe in his friends all along... n not trust his own gut feeling... it doesnt always apply to everything in life... u have gut doesnt mean u have the brain... hahahaha!!! u have the brain but no guts to do it also no point... so yeah... He just wan to laugh...

Everything is just so clear now tt he has no idea wad he wants to do anymore... time to colour up his life again... enough of the black grey season... time to brighten things up... smile... laugh... joke... u wanna crack with me?? hahaha.. feel free... i'm seeing things more clear already i guess...

wad is life all about??? i'm still searching... but for now...it's about serving my parents n God.. wad's more?? i'm still looking... am i able to find the 1 tt will really treasure me as a friend n accept me whn i'm in my worse? as the saying goes.."if you cant handle me at my worse, you dont deserve me when i'm best."

i'm blessed with friends but i'm blind by 1 word.. Love..


p.s. i'll just remove the promised i made... the stupid promise of not falling in love... silly kenny...

wad has happen?? wad am i doing?? issit worth doing?? should i give it a last shot? am i just doing for the sake of doing? or do i really really love her so much tt i'm willing to do almost anything for her?

confused? lost? not willing? am i just trying too hard? i really wish to get things back on track again... but do i have friends whose willing to support? whose willing to listen me out?? whose willing to be there for me no matter wad happen? friends? who can drop wad thy r doing n just listen to me... heard me out... lend me a hand... give me courage... help me face it... is there?


ever since then.. i've always been lost... i've no aim... no sense of direction... dun feel like doing anything.. studies? i'm just forcing myself to complete this last few lessons... exam? i'm really forcing myself out... but it's just not working... how much do i miss her? i can give up wad i have to just see her... anything tt i've ever own... love her? i asked myself tt many times... n the answer will always be the same... I wan to share my happiness with her... but i guess i couldnt give her any... cause i've lost my happiness.. my laugh.. my smile.. my passion for life.. who do i live for now? wad do i live for now?

felt bastard.. who dun? if u see wad i'm doing... wont u?
felt lost.. who wont? if u have the kind of friends i have...
felt cheated.. why not? if u know that u have given the best u could..
feel nth.......

is all the planning worth it? NO? wad's the reason??? yes? do u really think so or r u just trying to make my day?

true friends? do i ever had?
true love? is this the one?

i really wan to do it.. but i dun have the courage.. i dun have the support... i've nth...

Day 1 chinese new yr.. nth much to be done here.. just wake up... wait for time to pass.. until close to evening time...sis came over then mj abit... tt's all i do... how interesting for my chinese new yr...

Day 2.. same.. wake up in the morning nth much.. about noon went into jb to visit grandma.. long time never seen her... things changed... she's doing fine.. just getting weaker due to age...
asked if she's interested to come visit in sg... she wanted to wait for me to get married then come in -.-" how lame! anw... plan to bring her in b4 i leave for work.. want to spend time with her too... =S oh wells...

chinese new yr is just another holiday with more money to come in for me.. nth special at all... not even this yr... just hope tt this yr will be a gd yr for me...

where could she be?? how is she doing?? is she enjoying this new yr?? i miss her badly... i really wan to msg her... but just couldnt gather the courage anymore... i no longer have the courage... i no longer able to face her... but i miss her...

Happy Chinese New Year to u.. if u r seeing this.. =))

i tried... it didnt really work out i guess... i guess all i could do is just to watch from the back or by the side... i can never be there for anything... things r moving.. i guess... i've moved on with it... i guess... i know i still couldnt let it go...but.. i had to accept the fact tt things r not working out like the past... things has got to change...

i've lots of plans... plans to change things... plans to make things better... but how will it be done? how can it be done? help from others?? i dun know... ppl say it isnt worth it... but i can bare to let her go... i still miss her... miss her badly... i wish to hug her too... no matter wad... i still love her...

after so many things i've said n done... i've failed to regain her back... failed to keep any friendship... failed as a person, failed as a human...

is everything i done wrong?

has i not think of the big picture?

have i been selfish?

I love her... i'm willing to give up anything I have for her... my life? my everything? i just wan to give her happiness, joy, love... and most important of all care...

friends? interesting word to be used... they still dares to call me friends... rather interesting... which part or wad have they done to show it? let's see... dun give a crap about it? dun feel like talking? dun wanna meet? hmm... tryin to patch things back but get treated like dirt or not being treated like human at all...

thinking tt this guy is crazy n needs some expert advices... wow... wad a friend u have got there... giving up on u... wow! tt's a wow wow!! n did i use the wrong word? "WANG EN FU YI"

of course u dun owe me anything... u get the meaning of the words right 1st... it's being ungrateful.. taking things for granted... thx! thx for like wad? making me felt bastard?? oh thx!!! of course u r busy... thx for tt also...

talk talk talk... but wad? ppl talk nia... dun wanna move... dun wanna do anything... of course... i'm the 1 still have to move it... move on with my life... u had been thru the same shit as i have... yaya... of course... u r wiser... u r mature... wow~~ average of 2 result no matter wad is better then mine... of course 2 brain think much higher level then i do.. bottom line? u 2 wanna be the next love bird so be it... i'm just another pile of shit to u guys anw...

nothing hurts more then realizing that she meant everything to you but you mean nothing to her...

keeping quiet, not asking for much... wad more can u ask for? u've already been there n done that... the fact is the truth, the truth will always be the truth... the truth is hard... n if u cant take it... u just have to accept it... keep quiet n accept the fact tt ppl just dun wish to help... just accept the fact tt ppl r selfish... some ppl may bastard u... some may just come be nice with u... either way, thy were afraid of losing... losing sth tt thy can gain from u...

whn thy dun need u... thy just dump u off.. cause u r no longer useful... wad can u do?? keep quiet... silence is golden... the more u say, the more fault ppl pin point at u.. the more u speak, the more ppl get irritated.. so? shut up n accept the fact n truth.. true friends... how many true real friends do u have?? who would be there for u whn u actually need them the most??

u run ur own pace of life... u can expect ppl to wait for u.. u cant expect ppl to lend u a hand... u just got to move on with it no matter wad... it sux but it's life.. sometimes u think of it as a test... sometimes u think of it as just pure bad luck.. but in actual fact... it's wad u do n say reflect it...

"action speaks louder then words..."
"an empty vessel makes the most noise..."
which is more true??

to be frank.. sometimes keeping silence is better then blasting it out... cause u never know who can u trust... who can u believe or who can actually understand ur trouble...

Name : Kenny (ME, Myself & I)

Alicia =))
Azie
Big Bird
Carina =D
Cang Ning Butt
Dorries
Debbie
Edith
Jane
James
Joewe
Kahmun
Kheh Hong
Lyn
Nazri
Samantha
Shahidah
Shirley
Yvonne

June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 September 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 January 2011