=D Friday, 29 January 2010 =) 11:58 pm
lesson was short today.. didnt do much in sch i guess... i tired to clear things up... but i couldnt gather the courage... i could just use some lame excuse... by teaching sth which i guess i will never have any idea wad's happening... but it didnt turn out as expected... i just couldnt face it... all i could do is just walk away...
coward u can call me.. i tried too hard already... true, i may have nth to lose already.. i've already put in so much. wad's there for me to lose somemore? my face? my dignity?
u dun rate ur friends.. ya... u dun.. but ur friends rate u... tell me if thy dun... treating all equally? dun bull.. thy will rate u according to where u stand in their life... for once u were very important.. thy cant bare to lose u... next moment.. u r just not the 1 i'm looking for... i know wad i wan.. wow.. interesting isnt it?
another tried to help... but it doesnt seems like it at all.. matters just get worse.. y bother sharing whn u know ppl cant do much about it... n whn the actual party doesnt wan to solve it... n always claims tt thy have their own 'strong' stand... so wad can I, a no man stand person say?
went to ask about sailing.. guess i should start saving now... b4 i get paid which was my dream course in the past... due to the pay check... now it shatters cause it's not as easy as wad u think it would be... i've nth much to lose anw... i guess i'm willing to give up everything i have in sg for 10yrs? or maybe less?
am i ready for the life? the game of life...
Everyday is Sunny.
=D =) 12:32 am
fyp is done... completed... left report to conclude n end of story... after so long... i can take a break from it i guess...no more worries of unable to complete the work...unable to summit report etc...
i've less 1 thing to busy about or reason to stay in school already.. let result be result... no point thinking about wad has been done or not...
next will be final exam...my last exam in sp... last 3 papers... to be correct is 5... will i be able to make it or will i break myself up? 5more weeks to go... 5 more weeks to end my life in sp... will it be???
Everyday is Sunny.
=D Monday, 25 January 2010 =) 11:07 pm
talking to me is so hard...writing to me is worse... facing me is like slowly killing urself...
solve the awkward situation... in the end nth is solved... things just got worse... i just want things to be normal like before... i never wanted to let go... i never changed my heart... but... it's just isnt time... so whn? whn is the time?
chance? no 2nd chance? must it always turn ugly?? my heart will always be with u...
not worth telling me... ok... not worth writing to me...
accept the fact... move on with my life... get a life... get busy... easy to say then done.. wad can i do? offended ppl.. i've lost everything... who else can i turn to?
Everyday is Sunny.
=D Sunday, 24 January 2010 =) 12:08 am
I had a chill out session with my ex old classmate... well old cause he is older then me.. yeah... supposed to be a drinking session but in the end, i didnt get to drink..
had a long chat... alots of crappy 1... end of the day.. i just get craps n stuff...
it has been set... after this sem, no matter wad i still must make it thru.. i must get is done with... no matter wad this cert is wad i'm here for... everytime i tell ppl about wad i wan in my life.. but everytime i ask myself again n again... whn will i settle down? when will i found some1 tt i can really love n share my things with...
everytime i found 1, either i couldnt gather enough courage to tell her how i felt about her or i just get rejected... of course ppl always say i'm still young.. some say it's puppy love... others will just claim tt i dun know wad is love... so wad is love to u?? wad is the love that u r looking for? wad issit tt i cant provided?
i rmb, last wed.. this insurance agent.. came n talk to me about saving insurance... i wasnt really keen on it... so after her much talking about it... i just rejected it.. as i feel tt it isnt time... then she asked about my future... well.. i told her i wanted to go sailing for a few years and then come back to singapore to settle down with the family business.. sailing for the experience as i just feel tt coming right into the family business after so much studies just isnt the right time at all... i'm lack of working experience... other then working for my dad... i had only worked for a few part-times.. been to lots of interview.. almost all i've pass... but just tt i cant commit to them... other then my family time.. i just cant seems to commit to working during my part-time days..
Sailing, i've to put down everything in singapore n travel around the world.. wont be home for days, mths or worse yrs... am i really able to put down everything n travel?? for now... i've no girlfriend.. i've not much relatives in singapore.. parents r going to retired, planning to travel round the world... siblings have their own family... i'm the only 1 left.. am i willing to drop everything n leave singapore??
"what do u see urself in 10yrs time down the road?"
during 1 of the experiment for fyp.. i was asked this question... 10yrs ago.. while still in primary sch... we wanted to be fireman, superman, batman.. policeman.. all the so called hero in life... 10yrs later... i'm in marine engineering... a so called impressive job whn ppl heard about it... their 1st reaction.. "woah!" i get tt always... no matter how i put it... it's always the same reaction... so wad will i be doing 10yrs later? will i have a family? will i be enjoying my life? will i be happy like 20yrs ago during primary sch time.. pass each day like nth...
'if u fail to plan, u plan to fail..'
i've planned my route... but.. issit wad i really wan or am i just smoking myself out of the question.. to stop ppl from asking me more questions n prevent the situation from getting awkward?
life.. if u could see ur future... would u wan to do it??
Everyday is Sunny.
=D Sunday, 10 January 2010 =) 11:28 am
totally random.
as i was watching tv... i randomly switch channels.. n i saw this channel.. who got broken up with her bf.. n the things r just wad most ppl had told me.. is this wad it meant by sign? asking me to move on with my life??
time to get things moving...
Everyday is Sunny.
=D Saturday, 9 January 2010 =) 10:33 pm
things r supposed to be better... isnt it?? somehow it just doesnt feel right... everything is just gloomy, dark, secret, unclear... etc. but life must still move on... it's hard... but i had no choice... choices arent make by me alone... choices have their own consequences.. wad choices do i have to make to have this kind of consequence?
ppl maybe there.. but their soul arent..
ppl may say it.. but do they mean it?
ppl may have done sth to hurt u.. but do they know about it? were they on purpose?
ppl may sound nice... but are they real?
so many thing... so many questions... i'm in search for an answer.. an answer which may never be told as this is life... n things r certainly unexpected.. unknown... unclear... u never know wad's going to happen the next moment u step out of ur house or the moment u wake up everytime.. u just never know wad's going on...
how long, how many more days, how many more mths, how many more yrs.. do i have to live with this... how long? who knows.. next moment a phone call.. n i had an heart attack... i'm gone from this world... who knows... i was walking, n i just faint.. no1 totally cares (which is wad most singaporeans would do). who knows....
inner peace... soul searching... reflection... i need to be discipline to do tt everyday from now on.. i seriously need to get a life n get over everything tt has happen in the past.. i had a bunch of wonderful brothers.. but all were history. every1 has their own life to move on.. every1 has their path set.. every1 has their own purpose in life... wad's mine? i have closes buddies, friends, bro.. some r there for me whn i really need them... some r just there to make up the numbers... some.. dun really care... to those tt r with me n make up the numbers.. from the btm of my heart i thank u all.. really... I thank you.. sincerely..
no matter wad happen.. wad's infront of me.. wad obstacles is there to stop me.. i must face it n move on with me life... for every sunny day is a new day...
Everyday is Sunny.
